Monday, September 19, 2011

810 Days

If I did the math right, it's been 810 days since Mom passed away.  Maybe once its been 1,000 I won't "tear up" on a daily basis.  I guess at that point I can give up mascara forever if I still cry daily.  Don't get me wrong ... this "tear up" think isn't all that dramatic and most of the time a tear doesn't even make it down my cheek.  It happens at the strangest times with and without any apparent triggering.  There's the kids wanting to discuss Gram in the middle of driving down the road ... when did she die?  why did she die?  what disease did she have?  where's her body?  what does she look like now?  Basically any and all questions that run through the mind of a six year old.  Though rare they will sometimes cry telling me that they miss Gram.  My moments tend to hit me when one of the kids do something extraordinary which is often.  When Addison does her next trick in gymnastics, when Kaden wants to discuss some natural disaster or when Zander draws the perfect dinosaur.  I am getting all weepy now on my way to a business meeting as I write.  I guess I should have purchased the latest James Patterson book after all.  I still maintain our blog as if she is looking at it every day.  I laugh as our "views" have gone down significantly since she passed.  I made a movie of Addison's first competition and cried buckets thinking about just how many times she would have watched it over and over and over.  I think of her almost every night as I try to fall asleep.